Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Saturday Secret

Russ and I are NPR fanatics. We seriously opt for that way above any sort of music channel and often our ipod is stuffed with podcasts from NPR. We even went on a date to see a show live when "WWDTM" came to Salt Lake. Call us nerdy, call us dumb, but don't slam it until you give it a try. Start out with our favorite- "Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me". It's on, on Saturdays at 11:00 on FM 90.1, if you're here in good old Utah county. If you're too impatient to wait until Saturday, then you can also grab last weeks' off the NPR website. I'm telling you it's funny and you'll also feel like your brain grew a bit too.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Ten Years Ago

I'm probably the only one who would say this, but I'd go back to high school, like that, if I could. Particularly the latter-half of high school. If you had the kind of friends and fun I had, you would too. The great thing is, I wasn't popular or even close to popular, but that was part of the magic. I had friends who liked me for me. I didn't have to worry about impressing anyone and I had gotten over (mostly) caring what people thought. My sister attests to this fact by saying that she was embarrassed to be seen with me and the hideous outfits I wore. I loved my classes. I had the coolest teachers who challenged me and I loved learning about bugs, Thoreau, birds, Freud, social psychology, Sunnis and Shiites. I loved swing dancing, going to date dances, flirting, cool assemblies, seminary, playing night games, hiking, swimming in ponds, skiing at the Canyons for free, eating in our "usual" spot at lunch, writing for the school paper, field trips, study groups and just hanging out doing whatever crazy stuff we did every weekend. There was always something exciting going on and I loved feeling right in the thick of it. Wow it was fun.

My junior year is also the first time I really met Russ. The previous summer I had done field studies, which in and of itself was probably one of the coolest things I did in high school. During that summer, I met Joanna, Kami and Robby and we became good friends. Well they had some friends and after a football game I met some of them and we did night games on my neighborhood park. This was where I met most of my good friends that I still get chill with now. After that night we all kept hanging out. At school and on the weekend. Russ was fun. He was a good flirt and I loved flirting with him (so did a lot of other girls), but this was ok, because I wasn't interested for awhile. We spent our whole jr. year swing dancing, throwing sugar in each other's hair, writing clever e-mails and having oh so much fun. I remember the summer after our jr. year, my good friend Dustin, was telling me how all the girls liked Russ. I determinately said I didn't like Russ and never planned to. Oh my, that was the kiss of death. Never, say never. You will undoubtedly eat every last one of your silly words. After a very fun, very flirtatious, very dramatic summer, at the beginning of our senior year, Russ and I were suddenly hanging out all by ourselves. Interestingly enough at the beginning of that summer I was lamenting the fact that everyone was paring off together. Because as you can imagine, hanging out together all the time, you can become quite the incestous group. It was like a great sitcom, by the end of it all almost everyone has crushed on or hooked up with almost everyone else. I was heart broken over one in particular hook-up and I sort of fled from that and found solace in Russ who wasn't in on all of the other pairings off. I remember on one particular field studies camp-out, dying to get home, so that I could swing dance with Russ. Senior year was great. Russ and I were together and I was impossibly in love and we still managed to hang out with the group throughout the year.

We still all hang out and boy do we have fun. So I'm really lucky, because I guess in some small way I get to relive high school every once in awhile. Which is part of the reason I was hesitant to go to my high school reunion. I already saw most of the people I really wanted to see. But we decided to swallow our fear, or mine, and go to our ten year reunion. A few of the friends were there and we all had a great time parking ourselves right next to the buffet and enjoying our witty comments. If only there had been dancing as promised it would have been almost perfect. I'm grateful for those years, but I'm mostly grateful for the really cool friends and really hot, awesome husband I have because of it and that they all still want to hang out with me.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Tuck Trek

Russ and I had a very different weekend last week. I haven't been away from the kids for more than a few hours since they were born, so it was crazy getting away for a few days. It was a nice break, but also hard to leave them. I was worried about how they would do and if everyone would be ok. We were so lucky to have such awesome family taking care of the girls. Our "trip" was more about business rather than pleasure, so it wasn't exactly a vacation.

We, however, did have a fabulous time checking out Tuck. We were able to meet awesome people who were so kind and generous to host us for dinner or a chat or whatever. In fact one person even allowed us to stay at their house. Really, the coolest, most kind people ever. The interview hopefully went well and the weather was beautiful and New Hampshire was absolutely gorgeous.

The push-the-button-and-run shot

Gorgeous church on campus with the leaves that were just starting to change

Gene Kelly, I mean Russ, singing in the rain

We were so cheap that I was the one and only driver for the trip. We couldn't stand paying $7 a day for an extra driver.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Clijsters you ROCK!

I love tennis, I love watching tennis and this article is awesome. Kim Clijsters won the US Open and did it after coming back from a two year absence bearing and raising her toddler daughter. She was the first unseeded, wild card to do so. What an inspiration. I love this article. It's an awesome tribute to her and to all women.


I Love These Two Girls!

Love this song!

Monday, September 14, 2009

And then it started, like a guilty thing Upon a fearful. . .

Ok so the quote/title doesn't really match what I was going for, but I wanted to keep the Shakespeare theme. I feel a lot of guilt and I'm pretty sure most if not all of it is unfounded. So the last thing I'm attempting to work on is feeling less guilt. I'm trying not to feel guilty about every little thing I don't accomplish or the little mistakes I make throughout the day. And when there is something to actually feel guilty about, I'm going to make amends and resolve to do better next time and be over it. Most of the things I feel guilty about are things I should be doing if I were perfect and had all of the hours in the day. I need to recognize that a lot of times I'm doing the best I can. I need to focus on the things I'm doing right, instead of beating myself over every little thing that I'm still working on. Well wish me luck! Here's to a better and happier me. I know most of you think I'm crazy and you're ready to rush over for an intervention, but I'm perfectly fine. I'm just trying to be honest and I'm hoping that it will help someone else out there feel like they aren't alone. Other women, other mothers out there aren't all perfect and perfectly happy.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Shall I Compare Thee. . .

Secondly I'm going to stop comparing. Sometimes it's my kids I'm comparing. You know the case of friend's kid, at age three, is reading, adding, singing ballads and putting on his own plays and my child is lucky if she can let me dress her in the morning. Most of the time I can brush these off pretty easily, but sometimes I worry. I worry that something is wrong with my child or with my mothering.

Most of the time though it's me comparing myself to everyone else out there who has my same job: full-time mothering. I look at other people's blog who've crafted a cute scrapbook, a gourmet meal, sewed five new dresses and cleaned the whole house while their child had a fabulous day full of field trips, craft projects, tutelage, constant attention and definitely no tv. Whereas I'm pretty sure I'll I've managed is to keep me and the children alive.

Well this has also got to stop. First off I realize, when I am being logical, that people embellish and perhaps exaggerate on their blog and they definitely only have their best up there for all the world to see (this is obviously NOT the case for me). Secondly, I need to tell myself what I hope to instill in my kids. We're all so different. We all have strengths, weaknesses, challenges and successes and we can't compare ourselves. We have no idea what that person is really going through. We need to only be concerned with who we are and if we are trying to be better than our current self. I'm going to do this. I'm going to stop caring what everyone else is doing and stop worrying that I'm not as cool as them and be happy with who I am and what I'm doing.

Friday, September 11, 2009

All the World's a Stage

In my quest to become a better, happier me, I've identified three things I'm working on. The first is one I've struggled with my whole life. Harping back to the last post--it was a big problem in jr. high and it has reared its ugly head once again-worrying about what everyone is thinking about me.

I feel like I'm back on stage once again. In jr. high I think it was mostly my imagination. Really, I was among the masses and who really was watching every move I made but me? Now it's somewhat similar I'm sure not everyone is staring at me while both my kids throw a tantrum in Costco, but a lot of people are. I find myself and my children often under the microscope of everyone's "super-nanny" eyes. I continually find myself doing things or wondering too much about what people are thinking and trying to use them as a gauge for my behavior.

Well enough is enough. I'm taking a stand. I'm going to have a little more faith in myself and trust that I know what's best for me and my kids and if my neighbor wonders why there is a pair of underwear in my tree that's her deal. I'm not going to care. I have a good reason for it.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Jr. High and Motherhood

Jr. High was rough. I went from feeling comfortable and like I had life figured out, to being completely and utterly lost. My friends were going in different directions, my body was doing crazy things I didn't understand, and my daily "job" was so foreign. I had done the school thing before, but now I was in the big leagues. So many classes, so much to keep track of, it was nothing like practice and I was surprised to find that I was hating it. I remember faking sick a couple of times because psychologically I couldn't handle it. Suddenly people were swearing, making out, leaving me out and I felt so alone. I was so unable to get a hold on myself and this new life.

Motherhood has been surprisingly similar. I really thought I had my life and me figured out. I felt pretty good about myself. I knew what I wanted. I knew where I was going. I loved my sleeping, I loved my night life and I loved my social life and freedom. I knew having a child was going to be hard and a lot of work, what I don't think I realized was how much it was going to flip my life upside down. It changed me, changed my options--my life was utterly and completely different. I didn't realize there would never really be a break and that I would always feel this incredible mantle of responsibility and worry. Even though I had babysat, I had been a nanny and I had done days at a time by myself--it wasn't anything close to sixth grade, it was jr. high.

Now my friends have moved or for whatever reason it's just harder to do the friend thing the same way I did pre-kiddies. I'm still confused on the friend front. I definitely need to make some new friends, but I suddenly find myself confused at how I went from miss social, to I feel totally lame and am seemingly completely inept at making new friends.

So more than three years after entering this new and scary world of motherhood, I'm still trying to figure it all out. I'm trying to figure out who I am now. I'm trying to be ok with who I am, with the mother I am. I'm trying to embrace and figure out my post-pregnancy body. So while I'm struggling to answer these questions once again--I'm looking forward to my proverbial junior year in high school, where I was ok with me, made the best friends one could ever hope for and finally didn't care about being "popular".

Monday, September 7, 2009

Big Bad Voodoo Daddies

So if you haven't heard of them, you should. Russ and I fell in love swing dancing to some of their tunes, but it's more than that. They're music is so snappy and happy. Some days ago, thanks in part to George's willingness to sit with the chillins, Russ and I went to their concert. Ah complete bliss! We were on the third row We had a fantastic evening and their is nothing like seeing a big band live. We even have Genevieve converted and she is quite picky about her music. She constantly asks for me to put on "Daddy's music". ! I've tried include a link to something of theirs on Youtube, but it's not working for me. But you should go look. It will be worth it.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

I Do Believe in Fairies

Genevieve believes she has unmatched powers. I thought the same thing when I was three. What a great feeling. I wish it had never left. About a week ago I was playing tennis and Allie was outside the tennis courts watching Hannah and Genevieve so I could take a turn to face off against Kim and Carly. Apparently Genevieve came across a struggling katydid and began chanting to the katydid, "I do believe in fairies, I do, I do. I do believe in fairies, I do, I do. . ." Well the katydid never took off into flight, nor did it turn into Tinkerbell, but Genevieve was absolutely convinced her chanting was doing something and she kept at it for a very long time. I wonder what the katydid was thinking.