Apples to Oranges

I've got a lot to learn. This is made evident in a lot of ways. Occasionally, but painfully, it involves me being publicly humiliated. Sometimes it's from the grief my children give me or the wise, surprising things that come from their mouths, but most of the time it's because I find myself lacking against someone else.

Comparing yourself is complete foolishness. And I find myself delving into its self-intoxicating power all the time. Cerebrally I don't think anyone should ever compare themselves to someone else, especially when within that comparing we decide we are better or worse than someone else. I have no idea why as human beings, and maybe especially as women, we constantly find ourselves falling into this trap. I want to be free from assuming someone is better than I am at this or that. I really have only a pinprick of vision into who they are as a whole, and what their life, their struggles or triumphs truly are. I do think that we can learn to be better by watching others' example, we just have to leave out the comparing bit.

We went on a train adventure with some lovely ladies of the Bay Area. It's always good to get out and do something different with myself and the girls, but it came with a bit of stressfulness and exhaustion. Imagine 30 kids, 8 moms trying to heard children onto a train, through the streets of Palo Alto and into a diner for lunch. Yeah all those kids waiting for an hour to get some food to eat. Craziness. Poor diners, poor mothers. Then we had to march back and hope the kids didn't get run over or fall into the tracks waiting forty-five minutes for the train to get there. And here is my lesson. There is a woman who is a pillar of strength and crazy mothering skills. Watching and listening to her, I want to be like her. Sometimes I think people are all a lot of show and talk and even though they act the perfect part and make me feel terrible as a person, deep down, I know it's all a facade. She was nothing like that. I want to like where I'm at, like she does, and most of all I want to look outside myself and my insecurities, forget myself and look out for everyone else around me. Too bad wanting and doing aren't the same thing, then I'd be there.