Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Magic Medicine

Nana (my grandma), my mom, Acie (my great-grandma) and me
I really didn't want to take medicine. I felt like I was giving up and giving in. I felt like going on meds was admitting that I couldn't solve this problem myself. I was worried that once on it, I'd be forever on it. Meds are tough because it takes at least two weeks for them to kick in and to know if they're going to work. Sometimes results can even take up to six weeks. I think it must be like having horrible, debilitating pain and having the doctor give you a prescription and then telling you, the pain killers will start working somewhere between two to six weeks. Luckily for me, Celexa was prescribed and started working about two weeks after I began taking it.

I was so nervous waiting to see the doctor. I felt like I was going to him to confess some horrible and embarrassing sin. Luckily, he was so gracious. I took a couple of quick assessment quizzes, one about anxiety and one about depression. I was very high on the anxiety scale and also over the threshold on the depression quiz as well. He patiently answered all of my questions and reassured me. I left feeling something I hadn't in a long time, hope.

In two weeks my whole life had changed. Feelings, thoughts and behaviors I had beat myself up over and felt horribly guilty about, because I thought they were my fault, magically disappeared. I suddenly knew that there was something physically wrong with me. Somehow the chemicals in my body had betrayed me and turned me into something I wasn't. The medicine was balancing those chemicals back again where they should be. The medicine didn't turn me into a zombie, didn't make me out-of-control giddy, they simply returned me back to something that resembled my old self. I still had some work to do, because you can get into some negative patterns after being anxious/depressed for so long, but I was so much better. My life was a night and day difference compared to two weeks ago. If you suspect you might have anxiety or depression, don't wait. WebMD has some pretty good quizzes. Visit your doctor. The worst/best they can tell you is that you are fine, but if you are suffering, I'm telling you there is no shame in medicine. Would you refuse medication if you had an infection? I'm guessing not. Many times anxiety and depression is a result of something chemical/physical going on in your body and has a strong link to genes. Sometimes it's because something really horrible happened and that messed you up chemically. Whatever the case, some sort of medicine will help you. Sometimes one doesn't, but there are lots to try. If medicine doesn't help, certain types of therapy can be just as effective. You will feel normal again, you will be happy again and not only will it greatly bless your life, it will help all those around you.

**Next: The relapse--Will I never learn?

1 comment:

Emily said...

Vhari, thanks so much for sharing your struggle. I have some people very close to me who struggle with the same things and what an awakening to realize that medicine actually helps and it's OKAY! So glad you are feeling better!