Tuesday, June 11, 2013

We Don't Kill Bugs in Connecticut

Fly Not Included
A couple of months after we moved to Connecticut, we found a couch set on Craigslist and also found ourselves the proud new owners of a few dirty house flies. I'd already tried a handful of stores to find a simple device called a fly swatter. Maybe you've heard of it? I don't think Connecticut has. Initially I found it odd, then annoying, then a downright conspiracy that a fly killer could not be procured. And every time I'd go home empty handed, my bitterness would only increase when I'd hear the little beasts buzzing in a taunt.

Target has everything right? Not in Connecticut and not when they don't believe in "super" anything. I tried two workers before I found one that could do more than grunt at me and then I got more than an earful. I asked if she could tell me what isle the fly swatters were on. "Oh you don't want to kill them do you?!"

Umm yeah I do. Flies sit on poop and then sit on our food. "Yes, actually I do."

"Oh you don't have to kill them. You can just catch them and then let them outside".

Oh yeah, sure, in between Stew's screams, unloading the dishes and making dinner I'll just spend the next three hours leaping from couch, to chair to counter, trying to catch Mr. Fly in my hands. "I usually do take bugs and spiders outside, but I think a fly would be kind of hard to catch."

"I don't think it would be hard at all. Just open the door and shoo it out the door with a piece of paper." She starts pantomiming how easy it would be to set this fly free. I start wondering why I let it get to this point.

Why do I care whether she knows if I'm kind to bugs? Why am I wasting time getting a lecture on fly cruelty? But I still let her finish her peace, because that's the nice (chicken) person I am. At the end of the schpiel , it's confirmed, no swatters. I still haven't found one. Poor guy just died of starvation or was eaten by Luna. But, shhhh, don't tell PETA.


Kori said...

I'll bring you one back from California :)

Vhari said...

Kori: Ah the land of plenty. When are you going home you lucky duck?

Teresa Richards said...

Ha! This is hilarious. I had no idea--I guess the swatters we have on top of our fridge came with us from the west coast.